Duvet month is a mite contrived

HERE S something I bet you didn t know. We are on the eve of National Wash Your Duvet Month. It is barely believable that it begins in just a few hours. Actually, it is barely believable. Who comes up with such nonsensical special events. I ve never heard

HERE'S something I bet you didn't know. We are on the eve of National Wash Your Duvet Month.

It is barely believable that it begins in just a few hours. Actually, it is barely believable.

Who comes up with such nonsensical special events. I've never heard of Paint Your Toenails Fortnight but I would not be at all surprised if there was such a celebration.

Or how about Train A Flea Week?


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Come to think of it, that could be linked very nicely with National Wash Your Duvet Month.

I learn from a press release just received that there are around two million creatures inhabiting my bed at night.

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Two of them are of the human variety. The rest are house dust mites, although this legion of tiny pests may have a few bed bugs to keep them company. Oh, and don't forget bacteria.

This all adds up to the threat of viruses and disease, the press release tells me, and these microscopic horrors can be particularly harmful to children.

Apparently, 88 per cent of people with offspring still at home fail to wash their youngsters' duvet every three months.

And, most disturbingly, 19 per cent of those questioned in a survey did not wash their duvets at all.

Don't be surprised if Labour, the Conservatives or the Lib Dems do not quickly take up this shocking state of affairs and launch a high-powered campaign. Come to think of it, maybe they won't want to wash their own dirty linen in public.

So why has this scandal about unwashed duvets suddenly come to light.

A third of survey respondents claimed that they did not wash their duvets often enough as they were unaware of how to do so.

And 35 per cent said it was because they could not fit them in their washing machine.

For whom was this survey carried out? Ah, it was a washing machine manufacturer.

A spokesman said the statistics were "scary", but added that people were unaware that they no longer have to lug their duvets to the laundrette to clean them as larger home washing machines are now available.

So we finally get to the sales pitch. But it's a mite too late for my liking.

The result of another piece of research which has just reached me was conducted on behalf of Help the Aged of all people.

Worryingly, it revealed that a third of home insurance policies across the board do not cover the theft of garden ornaments as standard. You have to ask for it.

So next time you renew your home insurance, don't forget to also ask for gnome insurance.

No gnome should be without it.

Even more worryingly, it seems that six million UK motorists - 24 per cent - arrive at their destinations every day having no recollection of how they got there.

The tedium of everyday life and regularly travelled routes switches them to autopilot, putting themselves and others at risk.

The figure does not surprise me, judging from the vacant look on the faces of many of the drivers I see in the mornings.

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